I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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