Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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