He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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