I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
