I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
