I hate your face
i think my tv is drunk
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
