Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
