this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm always down for nudity.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
