I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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