There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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