it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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