So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
