Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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