I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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