Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
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I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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