I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize