Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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