Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just cropdusted the office
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
