Umm I'm too high to move.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
