If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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