I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
