I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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