I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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