So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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