Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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