i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
