Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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