WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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