Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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