ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
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Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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