I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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