So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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