did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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