We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A bitchslap is in order.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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