I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
