i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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