So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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