found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
