I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
