i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
