dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
