I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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