If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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