Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
