She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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