He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
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I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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