If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize