we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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