I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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