Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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