i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
that's an acceptable place to lick
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
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So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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